My hands were shaking, clammy. My stomach in knots. I approached the podium in the basement of the Sheraton hotel where over 100 faces stared back at me. I extended a warm welcome and proceeded to introduce the three people who comprised the artist’s panel at the FOCUS conference. Rachel Ross, a museum curator from DC and culinary artist; Tom Stroka, an architect who graduated from Notre Dame and now worked at a world-renounced architecture firm- Duncan Stoic; and Father Peter Musset- a graphic designer, potter, jeweler, and photographer.
Each possessed portfolios and experiences that were far beyond the scope of anything I’d done. I was honored to be participating in this panel as the MC, but utterly dwarfed in terms of creative output.
Growing up, my mom- a water color painter and all around creative force- encouraged me to be creative. She was the kind of influence you’d hope for, warm, encouraging, delighted in anything I’d make with a sincerity and enthusiasm that was totally undeserved. Despite my mom’s encouragements I could never get beyond my own short-comings, lack of skill, and imperfections. Plus, I’m not very good at drawing so I thought that ruled me out as an appreciator of art but not an artist myself.
Being that I was a self proclaimed appreciator of art and not an artist, I couldn’t explain what I was feeling sitting there in that low lit basement room, hearing these artists speak about their creative endeavors, making claims about the possibility that art and beauty can save the world, and speaking specifically about the benefits of making art yourself. I was moved, inspired even, to try and begin creating. I felt as though a single flimsy match was being lit- by no means the fire that you can warm yourself by, but the potential for a beginning. As the panelists made their final points, Father Peter extended an invitation to the group- “if you are interested” he said, “I am beginning an artists’ group to start reading the Artist’s Way.” I didn’t know what the Artist’s Way was, but I did know I was interested in meeting with artists – even if I wasn’t one.
We began meeting – 7 of us in all. Ranging from writers to painters, landscapers, to undeclared like me. We went through what Julia Cameron deems the “basic tools” morning pages, 3 pages of free hand stream of conscious writing first thing each morning. The Artist Date- a one hour date each week with just you and your artists doing whatever your inner artist (often described in the book as a little child) decides to do, and the creative cluster – that support group that helps you to wade through all the muck and get to the pure gold of creativity.
These basic tools are the building blocks for recovering your artist self- and I made a commitment to my group and to myself to employ them all for 12 weeks. Morning pages EVERY DAY, artist date and Creative cluster each week. Somehow I was hoping that being involved in this group would connect me with that artsy thing. That thing that would help me to express myself, to communicate that pint up feeling of being unheard. That’s not exactly what happened, but what took place was more than I could have imagined.
In addition to the basic tools, each week focused on a theme. These themes each seemed to correlate with the goings on in my life. When I was feeling less than fiscally responsible I read the chapter on recovering a sense of abundance. When I was challenged at work beyond my strength the theme was recovering a sense of power. And each week the themes served as sculpting tools – removing the access material from the clay mass that was my heart. Safety, identity, power, integrity, possibility, abundance, connection strength, compassion, self-protection, autonomy and faith- each week a new theme each week a new challenge, each week a new breakthrough.
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| This is a piece from my recent art show. |
As this process continued I still had no clarity about what I wanted to make, how I wanted to make the world a more beautiful place. In fact, I still believed I belonged in the “appreciates art, but is not an artist” camp. I maintained the grueling task of waking up 30 minutes early each morning and writing. I took my little artist on a date… and after 10 weeks of meeting with my group I realized that the masterpiece I was creating was me!! I was so much more in touch with my emotions and thoughts. I finally made time to do the things that refreshed my soul. I was free to be a little quirky.
It took many months before I was finally able to find my favorite medium – in my case collage and fibers, but the true achievement was the masterpiece of my heart.
I think when Julia Cameron wrote her book the Artist’s way she titled it that because it’s not about the art- it’s not about the creation- the final product… it’s about the path. Each artist takes to come to understand that when we create we are doing something powerful. We are breathing life into the world, we are inspiring hope and as artists- as people who are capable of creation it is not about the destination.. it’s about the journey. In other words, it’s about the “way.”
