it's happening

im sitting in my favorite spainish cafe (the only one im really familiar with) with Rebecca Alva!!! Seriously, a dream come true. Rebecca was one of my favorite students to coach for fundraising because of her spunk. she was always on the ball and eager to get to Spain because she loves God and knows she'll find Him here, but also beacuase she's working on a journalism project to capture her experience while here in Spain. The students are starting to pour in now so i should go and smile at them, great them, and try to prepare them to get their lives rocked (to the degree that i can).

en espana

well. we made it. trishy. jake. jeff. sarah. and i...we are here in galicia. the brothers are here too. bro gilliermo the romanian brother who proudly announced that he has two bats in alcohol in his bedroom. bro alberto is also here. he also happens to be sean connarys twin. there are 13 other priests and brothers who live here and two volunteers who help the pilgrims.

the monestary is here too. gigantic. beautiful. a stately building in the middle of town. it was built in the 6th century and has suffered numerous fires and the torments of war and financial turmoil. we learned yesterday that it has been splashed by the blood of martyrs who were seeking refuge from the mores.

before i came to spain i was convenced that that my life would be changed here. just knowing how my heart responds to beauty and seeing this place i know it is true. i have the intentions of my friends and family on my tounge and in my heart is gratitude.

Uncle Bud Visits Denver

A mystery about my life may has been solved tonight. Or at least I might be a little closer to knowing why my Catholic faith is such a big part of my life.

My parents took my family to Mass fairly regularly when I was a child. We didn't talk much about it, but we did make it a priority. No one else in my extended family went to church every Sunday, so I know my parents' presence at Mass was a sacrifice. However, when I was 10 and asked if I could start receiving Communion we discovered I had never been baptized. After months of RCIA classes I became Catholic. I was 11 years old with one practicing Catholic family member (my dad.) Time went on and I slowly lost interest in Catholicism and became intrigued by the faith of my Protestant friends. I planned to leave the Church after graduating high school, but after my only Catholic friend passed away and I encountered the Lord truly present in the Church, I decided to stay. God confirmed my decision by crossing my path with FOCUS missionaries and giving me the friends I needed to build up my understanding and love of the Lord.

It is clear that that chain of events brought me back to my Catholic roots in a beautiful way but, the mystery still remained. Why was I Catholic in the first place? My housemate Katherine asked me recently if there was a strong figure in my life who had been praying or fasting for me and I really couldn't think of anyone. I knew my great Grandma Genevieve was Catholic and feisty to boot, so it wouldn't have surprised me if she pleaded with God to grant me a love of Him and His Church, but I didn't have enough information to say that for sure. No one else came to mind so I began to wonder if a neighbor or the parents of my future spouse had prayed for me or something.

There were no leads until this very night.

Today around noon my dad called to let me know that my great uncle Bud was in town tonight only and that he would be having dinner at my cousin Faunia's at 6. I was invited, of course, and knew that I should do everything in my power to be there. My, I am certainly glad I made it.

For four hours I sat across the table from a 79 year old man who was the spitting image of my grandma June. He had the same large nose with a rounded tip. The same crinkly, smiley eyes. Even the same whispey, white hair. He told numerous stories about life, our family, and his faith. He talked of politics, music, and books. His disposition was remarkable. I knew he was tired, but he maintained a cool composure, even as the night wore on. He never missed an opportunity to compliment anyone and he took genuine interest in everyone who was speaking.

During a small lull in conversation someone started speaking of my dad's father, Larry. Larry and his brother Ron, married two Haney sisters- June and Nona. The Haneys were an anti Catholic family so when June and Nona married Larry and Ron and became Catholic, you can imagine the uproar. For a time June and Nona's mother wouldn't speak to them and they were completely disowned from their Protestant-Irish family. I believed that Bud was still in the same boat, but I was wrong.

The quality about Bud that permeates the whole of him is his faith in God. You can tell that he is hard working, knowledgeable, and raised a good family, but all of those things take a back seat when compared to his faith. He plays the 12 string, sings, and leads retreats at his parish. He writes songs for our Lord and loves to invite other people to Him. I believe he knows what it means to be Catholic.

I had no idea that Uncle Bud was a faithful Catholic, but what he said about my Great Grandpa Chuck baffled me even further. Great Grandpa Chuck, my Great Grandma Genevieve's husband, hadn't come up in conversation until the very end of the night. We had discussed every other family member, living and dead, but somehow Grandpa Chuck didn't make the list. I mistakenly said his name when trying to talk about Grandpa Larry and the first words out of Uncle Bud's mouth were, "Now. your Grandpa Chuck, he was a real Catholic." He went on to say that while Great Grandpa Chuck was not a man who spoke often of his faith, he lived it in every last detail. When he was convicted by something or Scripture revealed something to him he acted. I felt as though the final twist had been made an the rubix cube now aligned.

My Grandpa Chuck and I only had a few months together on this planet. I was on my way in and he was on his way out. My mom only knew him for a year or two, but she tells stories of him, an old cowboy, sitting in his hospital bed and weeping during his final days. She says they weren't tears of sadness, rather tears of joy. Not everyone has such sweet memories of Grandpa, though. Chuck Loser grew up on a ranch and loved to ride horses. As a young family man, necessity drove him into the construction business and he was hard working and driven the remainder of his life. He had a hot temper and jealous spirit, but his last years revealed the kindness that he had possessed all along. The only documentation of Grandpa Chuck and I meeting are a couple of pictures of me and him with our oxygen tubes on. I was a delicate newborn and he was weathered and tattered by time and the elements.

I imagine during those few exchanges between my Great Grandpa and me, my truly Catholic, Great Grandpa, I was given the opportunity to touch his heart. There he was at the end of his life, encountering the beginning of mine. While he held me, perhaps he was also wrapping me in Mary's mantle and asking her to take care of me.

Whoever it is who prayed for me I am grateful to God for continuing to bless me through the mystical body of Christ. In His goodness he has chosen members of my own family to draw me into His.

A toast... to today

It's going to be a great day! I just know it.

When the toast popped up it actually launched out of the toaster this morning. For some reason I just love that. It's like a tiny little joke between me and my breakfast. So anyway, that happened. And I think today's going to be good.

It turns out art matters

Yesterday I faced a giant fear. It wasn't really the public speaking. It wasn't the pressure from what people would think of the four of us in front of them sharing experiences and answering questions. It wasn't even the thought that the artists panel wouldn't "go well." The fear I faced was that no one is interested in art anymore- at least not as it relates to the Church &/or society.

I knew people care about art. I knew they want to express themselves. I knew they think beautiful things matter. I just didn't know they (especially college students) believed that art matters to our church and our society. Thankfully, my fears were assuaged. Even if not explicitly, the panelists and attendees revealed that art changes things. It matters to our Church, our society, our Lord.... and we have a responsibility and an opportunity to be a part of it. Through their attendance, their questions, their answers, their response. I was shown that others are thinking about the role of art and beauty and the church and it's a large role, as it turns out.

I have no idea what the fruit of the panel will be. I don't know who has been inspired or who has been empowered, but I do know I was built up and reminded of my identity as a co-creator with God. As Rachel told me, I have an artists soul and I know that soul will not be content without living out creativity and without the suffering and joy that art inspires. Father Peter said that "without a renewal of the arts there will be no renewal of the culture" and I couldn't agree more with him. I just hope I have a role to play.

A Random Smattering

Today I didn't read much. In fact, other than a few emails, I think I read less than 3 pages of text.I think that's a good thing to do sometimes. Not that I don't love to read, but there is such thing as information overload and I think I was on the brink of it. So this is not much of a synthesis of what I learned, instead it's rambling about some things that have happened in my life today and lately.

I took the day off from work to recover from the Saint Paul FOCUS conference (which was AWESOME!) The benefits of taking the day off included, but were not limited to:
1. Getting 10 hours of sleep
2. Going to the movies with Sarah and all the retired folks
3. Cleaning my room and the bathroom

Number two from above is referring to The King's Speech. HIGHLY recommended. In fact, new favorite movie. The portrayal of friendship was authentic and moving- something that you don't often find in a modern day movie. The character development was extremely well done. You instantly identify with the quirkiness and eccentricities of Lionel as well as the fear and woundedness of the Duke. Their qualities, history, and different perspectives come together marvelously to highlight the value of friendship and the hope that exists even in the face of tremendous setbacks. See it. I promise you won't be disappointed.

One last thing- here is a picture from my flight out to St. Paul. It was so much fun. I sat with 8 other FOCUS/CLM folks and we had a rockin good time on the plane. Praise the Lord for wonderful people.

Preach it, Papa!

From Pope Benedict's address to artists November, 2009:

Saint Augustine, who fell in love with beauty and sang its praises, wrote these words as he reflected on man's ultimate destiny, commenting almost ante litteram on the Judgement scene before your eyes today: "Therefore we are to see a certain vision, my brethren, that no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man conceived: a vision surpassing all earthly beauty, whether it be that of gold and silver, woods and fields, sea and sky, sun and moon, or stars and angels. The reason is this: it is the source of all other beauty" (In 1 Ioannis, 4:5). My wish for all of you, dear artists, is that you may carry this vision in your eyes, in your hands, and in your heart, that it may bring you joy and continue to inspire your fine works. From my heart I bless you and, like Paul VI, I greet you with a single word: arrivederci!

Photo: AFP/GETTY