one by one we showed up for book club at Starbucks tonight. each of us coming from our respective jobs, our respective relationships, our respective experiences to discuss a book which I, admittedly, did not read.the conversation started as usual. grumblings from the day, news from the week, the nuances which color every gathering of this sort; how was work? what is so-and-so doing tonight? oh! did you get a haircut? i was thinking of you when...
the book discussion also started on par with the other twenty-odd times we've met. a thumbs up or down for the writing style, the author, the cover, and all those things that probably depend more on one's mood than the actual book.
then things got more interesting. this week the person who selected the book also brought discussion questions. after quoting a passage about any man being able to sprinkle rose pedals on the bed, but a real man being able to hold your hair while you're getting sick, she popped the question: name something romantic which you wouldn't normally identify as such?
hm. interesting. isn't THAT the question? what is something you don't necessarily receive as love which actually is love? ladies and gentlemen... well, just ladies in this case... things just got interesting!! we left our shallow chatter for a brief moment and dipped our toes into the depths of the human experience.
"no matter how late he stayed up playing video games my husband getting up (without a single complaint) at 5 a.m.to give our baby her bottle." , "when his choice is my favorite restaurant." about her father, "no matter who else was in the room or what was going on he would come up to me and ask how was your day, mija?" "he took the time to map out a whole trip for me just so I could avoid renting a car" What do these gestures by the men in our lives have in common?
well, first they are in response to reality. i mean, there are some legitimate needs at play in these scenarios: hunger, money, sleep. they aren't just walking around, willy nilly, trying to find something to do. they are perceiving needs and meeting them.
second, they are sincere. it is the way in which these gestures are executed that makes them loving. he is getting out of bed, choosing her preferences over his, overcoming the weight of the day, and weaving his way through details just to make her life a little easier.
third, they are actually what we need. as women we think our "need-o-meter" can tell us every solution to every problem. i mean, she would be much happier if she... if people just looked at life like...all that guy really needs is... but what we really need is to serve and allow ourselves to be served. as thrilling as rose pedals in bed might be, there is nothing like coming face to face with a man who will chose your sleep over his, or restaurant, self-esteem, or pocket book.
and then someone got a text message, and we started talking about being dairy and gluten free and about new houses and lunch routines. before we knew it we were back to the kiddie pool, splashing around and having a grand ol' time. but I won't forget the plunge. indeed, i know now deeper waters exist and are waiting to be forged.
