now for a miracle

it was a long day.

really long.

i felt completely warn out by a deep conversation with a friend of mine who is really struggling with her boyfriend. it's so hard to see someone going through something like that and not just jump out in front of her hand raised high and scream at the top of your lungs "WHAT ARE YOU DOING??? Don't you know you are worth so much more?" ...but alas, such remarks are not often well received and in the name of charity we must be respectful of the free-will of others. My heart breaks at the thought of how he treats her and the way he struggles to actually love. It is absolutely devastating to her fragile, young heart. It breaks her apart from him and from all of us who adore her.

then there was the coffee date with another friend who is feeling not-so-hot about his recent decision to join the Catholic church- WHEW!- that's heavy. his examination of all of us Catholics who are really not living out our faith, no less existing in the freedom that's available to those set free by Christ is causing him to reconsider joining us. and in reality, why would he if that's all he saw- a bunch of judgmental, self-righteous people? i surely wouldn't want any part of that. and even if i did it seems that it would be pretty difficult to get an in.

and then i went to K-Mart. it smells awful.

...now for the miracle. None of that really matters (i mean it kind of matters, but...)

When we consider that the victory has been won and that we have infinitely more than all we could ask or imagine all at our fingertips the challenges and worries become minuscule. and it is possible. we CAN live there! with a little trust, a little faith, a little hope we CAN move those mountains, right into the sea! we can unite in suffering with those around us who are suffering, but only because we have been given the gift of uniting in suffering with the One who's sacrifice triumphed over all of it. Because of Him we can be in perfect communion now and in eternity.

and one last thing: my family is all in town for my cousin's wedding and i just spent the evening with them. despite my ridiculously long day and all of the grave matters that seemed to be arriving at my doorstep i got to spend hours with the people who have known me from day one (when i dressed up like a jelly bean for Halloween). for those few hours i knew exactly who i was and exactly where i fit in. and that's just a foretaste of the community that will come in eternity. dang, He really does love us- it IS a miracle.

San Franny

I LOVE San Francisco. The food. The embellishments on the buildings. The company. The energy. Everything about it- I love....

I took some fun pictures and I'm excited to post them. Until then! Peace love and harmony.

Sew sew

Today marks one month of sewing at Emily Griffith Opportunity School. Every week I spend three hours in the basement of an old school reminiscent of a sitcom high school- complete with swinging double doors, long halls laden with encouraging posters (Everyone makes mistakes, that's why pencils have erasers), and a line out the door at the counselor's office. Yup, it's all the same... except for the shadows on the walls from the sparks of a blow torch (Welding 101), oh, and the manikin head eerily facing the street as you walk by (Hairstyling 101)...and I almost forgot, the fact that there are only about 50 of us in the entire school which is built for hundreds... except all of that it's exactly the same.

Let the adventure continue...

Homesick no more

Having grown up in a "non-traditional" family I've often allowed myself to fall into despair about what the future holds for my own home. I experienced my childhood between every-other weekends and talk of child support and alimony. Thankfully, I also continued concerning myself with Barbies, days at the creek, and neighborhood kickball games... my childhood was certainly not all lost.

Today's meditation from In Conversation with God (Francis Fernandez... highly recommended) reminds us "We should never forget the first thing Jesus chose to sanctify was the home." A reminder that brought me to tears as I read it from my pew at the Cathedral this evening. My tears were not out of sadness or self pity (although that would not have been out of the ordinary) but instead from a place of deep gratitude. Gratitude for the gift that is family. The gift of having all your siblings around the dinner table. The gift of being able to help your dad in the garage. The gift of offering your sister 5 more minutes in your home's only bathroom. The gift of all pitching in to prepare for company. These are gifts that I was still given despite the brokenness that existed. Gifts that are such if we continue looking for them and inviting them in.

My tears of gratitude were also directed at the plans God has for me "plans for welfare and not for harm... a future with hope." Plans that can't so easily be snatched away- not even by a tarnished home life. At least not if He is allowed to be the one in charge.

It is true Jesus did and does sanctify the home- whether the home were you live with both your parents or just one. In our home He gives us, like no other place, a school for virtue. There we are constantly being invited to charity, compassion, patience, and cheerfulness.

In his reflection on today's Gospel Archbishop Chaput pointed out that just after Jesus tells His disciples about the indissolubility of marriage He firmly reminds them of their need to be like little children. This is no coincidence. To be like little children, those in Jesus' time, is precisely what we all need to do. We all need to recognize ourselves as being without status, unimportant, and as not being owed a single thing. With that attitude we can truly accept that which God gives us from His loving hand. Even if it is a family or home that is broken...difficult...wounded...

That reality that Jesus chose to sanctify the family before anything else is joyful and hope-filled. For those of us who are striving to see how God will make strait the crooked paths of our families' pasts we can know that He wasn't excluding us when he decided to pour graces and blessings upon the home. He did not only choose to sanctify the perfect families, but the jacked up ones as well. He withholds His goodness from no one and makes available His love for us all.
It is within the home that we are first invited to love as God loves- without limits- even if the home is cracked or crumbling.

Instead of being homesick at the thought of what I've missed I'm going to lift my eyes up to the hills and wait for the help that comes from the Lord, who chose to first sanctify the home- the place which prepares us for our eternal home.